There are literally hundreds of reality shows on television today and
most of them fly well under my radar. But now the groundwork is being
laid for a whole new reality show that’s totally my cup of pinot grigio.
Proper Television (producers of the popular shows MasterChef Canada and
Canada’s Worst Driver) is recruiting candidates for a new reality show
about Canadian hockey moms.
“Hey now, you’re an all-star, get your game on, go play
Hey now, you’re a rock star, get the show on, get paid
All that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold”
- Lyrics from the song All-Star by Smash Mouth
Which means someone is finally going to turn my life into a TV show. And it’s about time, Smash Mouth – it’s about time.
I’ve been curious what the title of the show will be. I mean it could be Arena Commando but I’m hoping it will have a more romantic touch, like "When Coach Met Hockey Mom".
I’m not even sure what the format of this show will be but I sure hope it will be totally glitzy – like The Bachelor – because we all know how glam the life of a hockey mom can be. On the casting call, they ask a number of questions about being a hockey mom. My favourite one is, “When you’re not at the rink, how do you spend your free time?” Free time? How do you spell that? Can you rephrase that question?
I’m also not sure when it will be aired, but let’s assume the taping will take place in the off-season (which makes my chances of making the cut pretty good since I am no longer involved in year-round hockey).
All I know is that you can put your name in for auditions NOW and can do so via this link: hockeymoms.castingcrane.com
Just so you all know, I already put in my name in but I suppose there’s room for more than one hockey mom superstar to be on this show. But, just so there are no misunderstandings, I am the real star, ok? I made sure to put my dressing room riders in the comments section of the application:
· I expect fresh fruit platter with a smoothie station, but a good ol’ Slushie machine will do just fine too.
· I insist on a canteen hot dog roller-grill (which includes wieners, buns and condiments, of course) and one bag of Lay’s ketchup chips in case I get hungry, because it’s a Canadian hockey mom TV show after all!
· Ten little plastic mini hockey sticks, to keep my entourage occupied in a little 4-on-4 during the taping. One second thought, nix that. Don’t let anyone under the age of ten in my dressing room at all. Who needs that distraction?
· One bottle of Giovello’s Pinto Grigio, chilled. No need to explain.
· White tulips throughout the dressing room. ABSOLUTELY NO CHRISTMAS WREATHS. Bad memories from hockey team fundraisers.
· Please have my dressing room temperature at 74 degrees. And positively no hockey equipment anywhere in the dressing room, unless it’s brand new and just for show. Otherwise my hair will wilt under the fumes and who wants to do my hair all over again, right?
· And finally, please remove all but the red, black and white Smarties from the bowl in my dressing room. I have my loyalties.
I can’t believe they haven’t called me yet.
Let’s hear three cheers for this upcoming new show, starring the most important people in hockey today: The hockey mom!
As all hockey moms know – the show must go on!