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Mom Mondays: Do you speak hockey mom 'slanguage'?

 

I learned a new word today:  pluviophile. A pluviophile is someone who loves the rain and finds joy and peace of mind on rainy days. I am a pluviophile - except when it’s really cold and rainy and I have to walk the dog.

This prompted me to make up a new word:  dusterphobe. A dusterphobe is someone who detests long stretches of time between hockey games. As I write this, it’s been exactly twelve days since our last minor hockey game.

Sometimes the hockey schedule is like that. Dusterphobia usually attacks young minor hockey players much worse than parents. Parents might actually enjoy the respite in a crazy hockey schedule and brush up on nagging the kids to get caught up on their homework!

Over the years, I’ve come up with my own hockey vocabulary, just to make things in my life make more sense. For example, I still don't understand why they call it an “offside”. The blue line doesn't separate sides it separates ends. I think it would be better understood by everyone – mostly me – if they just called it an off-ender.

My dafters are legendary. I do a dafter when I cheer loudly but inappropriately, like yelling "shoot", when not a single player on our team has the puck. Or "Skate! Skate! Skate!" when it's clear (to everyone else) that it’s going to be an icing call.

Sometimes I forget that the goalie has changed ends and I yell, "Get it outta there!" when the whole point of the game at the moment is to NOT get it out of there. I used to get my kids’ team names mixed up. There is nothing quite like yelling ‘Go Wildcats’ when you’re at a Romans game. That's definitely a dafter...

Socialaiting is that time I spend socializing while either waiting for a game to begin or waiting at the end of a game for my player to come out of the dressing room. Usually I socialait at hockey games but sometimes I winger.

Similar to socialaiting, minus the socializing, wingering is a cross between waiting and lingering. Every hockey mom does a whole lot of wingering and/or socialaiting. Wingering can be a pain - made even more painful if you've already spent a long time travooling.

Travooling is hockey travel and carpooling. When we live in one part of the city and my kid's game is in another part of the city (or another city altogether), the travel to and from a hockey games can be long and tiring. The trip can seem even longer if it's my turn to carpool and the level of testosterone or estrogen in the car has exceeded recommended limits.

When this happens, hopefully you’ve teamed up with a fellow hockey mom travooler who pays you back.

That hockey bleacherache from sitting on a bleacher too long with no backrest is a real killer. It’s at its worse when I’ve forgotten my hockey blanket and my butt has gone numb. Add to that how sore your feet get from wingering and socialaiting – and then the headache from travooling and I suddenly have a hockey hankering.

No one needs a glass of wine at the end of the hockey day more than a busy hockey mom. Every hockey mom has had a hockey hanker at one point or another during the weekend. It's a thirst for some liquid solace. (You could have a hockey hankering for arena hot dogs too, but I don't recommended indulging that one.)

So next time you see me wingering at the arena, ask me to socialait. You can tell me all about your bleacheraches and I'll tell you all about mine. Then you can pretend you didn't hear my dafters. In any event, let’s reduce our suffering and hockey hankers together!

I’d love to add some new hockey slanguage terms to my vocabulary, so please share them in the comments section!

Three cheers to the new hockey season – and the hockey slanguage that hockey moms make up along the way!

Tags: minor hockey

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