“Don’t forget your water bottle!” I yell at my son, as he headed off to hockey practice. He had his ear buds in so of course he couldn’t hear a word I said. I had just washed his water bottle and so chased after him into the garage to make sure he had it for hockey practice. “I need to glue this thing to your head!” I added, as he slammed the car door.
How often has that scene played out in your hockey household? Probably too many times to count, I’m sure. And despite how many times those water bottles are neglected, they sure are well-travelled too.
Those poor water bottles; they take a beating during the hockey season. But imagine for a second, your child’s water bottle could talk. Pretty sure they’d say something along the lines of …
- You know it’s really dark here under the passenger seat of the hockey van. Oh, why have you forsaken me?!
- Thanks! I really enjoyed that trip down memory lane – I mean the driveway – where I rolled right into the snow plow that picked me up and tossed me thirty feet in to the neighbour’s yard where it looks like I’m going to be living until spring.
- Put me down, Rover, I am not a chew toy!
-Yep. Here I am in the Lost and Found box once again. Home sweet home.
- Come on, you moron! The water comes out the other end!
- I like it when you squeeze me but please don’t bite me!
- You know I’ve been living in this hockey bag since 1984, right?
- Mmmmm, it’s nice and warm in here. What do you call this mysterious place? Oh, the dishwasher! How nice!
-You really believe I’m full of water sitting here in your teenager’s backpack? You’re not as smart as you look, you know!
- Of course she’s not that into me. I was her brother’s water bottle first. She’s not into his sloppy seconds.
- That’s it. Let me spill my guts all over the ice before heading back to the locker room. You know where that is all ending up, don’t you. That’s right. Mount Zamboni.
- For the love of God would you please put your name or your number on me with a big, black Sharpie pen! Otherwise you know I’m going home with someone else. It happens every week!
- Come to think of it, the view from on top of this hockey net isn’t so bad!
- Oh no! I’m leaking! Oh sure; you think that little piece of hockey tape is really going to fix me? Well, would you look at that? Hockey tape does it again!
- No! No! Don’t play catch with me in the locker room! You’re gonna miss and – aw snap! I’m rolling now; rolling right into the toilet stall … again.
On second thought, maybe we don’t really want to know what our kids’ water bottles could say after all!
Three cheers for nice, clean water bottles – and may they please stay that way for at least five seconds!
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